Quit Being the Victim

Petty stuff!  Semi traumatic incidents! The little things in life are often over dramatized over and over again!  Do you know people like that?  I know I do, quite a few to be honest....

Some people do have it hard, don't get me  wrong, but at some point we have to let it go and get on with life. Ya know!?

As long as we are the victim to our past, we are not living in the future!

In my last post Excuses I talked about alot about ways that I have been making excuses about weight loss and other things in my life.... Re-living the past and making excuses year-after-year that past things are to blame, make us a victim to them!

Some people do this all their lives.. Sad, but true! We have to move on from the events of our past and make sure the future is better! What we want it to be!!!

If you are having troubles in your life, sit down and really think of what you need to get out of it.

What is the first step to getting to that final goal?!  Figure it out and get there!  If you need help, ask! BUT if you get that help, SHOW UP, do what she need to do to be true to the person who helped when the didn't have to.

Quit being the victim of past events, decisions, life curve balls, and choice's that CAN'T be undone..

Live for today, not hiding about yesterday's mistakes... Quit being the Victim!

The Beginning and The End

I woke up this morning and the sky was a bit gray and I swear I was feeling okay. Then, a flashback of a time when I thought myself to be happy. He is there, walking up behind me in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me from behind. He lays his head on my shoulder or nuzzles my neck and I smile, feeling loved. 

I'm standing on the front porch at our house and I hear his car coming up the driveway and he gets out and his arm is behind his back. He has a huge grin and he pulls his arm from behind his back and he has a bunch of wild orange lilies and he presents them to me. My first instinct is to jump in his arms, but I hesitate, I hug and kiss him instead.  

We are practically nose to nose and he is angry. He is telling me how he will only be married just once and that is to me. I tell him he hasn't loved, honored or cherished me in a long time. We are both so angry, there is so much hurt. How did it come to this?

He is at home laying on the bed, I come in and ask him about his new "love" interest. He says he is confused, he doesn't know what he wants anymore. I instinctively know it isn't me and part of me is relieved. 

I have to tell you about these memories. Sometimes I feel as if they are suffocating me, taunting me. I want them to go away and at the same time I want to feel them, but from a disconnected place. Those memories are in a strange place in my subconscious, swirling around with all the other bits and pieces of memories from here and there.

D.L. Hughley Opens Up About Infidelity and His Son's Struggle | Where Ar...

This video really touches my heart! My youngest son is on the Autism Spectrum and there are days I wonder if he will be able to live on his own or if he will always be with me. Please watch with an open heart.

London, England

Last summer I traveled to Europe and it was the most amazing experience. I always wanted to visit England since I was a little girl and I finally got the chance. I had never been on a plane, never been out of the country and especially never thought I would take such a trip alone, but that is what I did. I was really out of my comfort zone, but I loved/lived every moment of it.

I figured this week I would give the people who read my blog posts through my friend Ginny's blog a break and talk about something upbeat and positive for a change.

On July 12, 2014 I turned 40 years old. The next day I left home at around 9 am and went to my parent's home, left my vehicle, and my brother Donnie drove me to the airport in Raleigh, N.C. Now, granted I had never been on a plane before and I was trying NOT to think about plane crashes, so I busied myself with making sure I had everything packed and I was texting friends and family letting them know that once I made it to Georgia, I would be cutting off my data on my phone and go off the grid for the entire week. I was going ghost and I was SO looking forward to that.

I had a slight case of the nerves, because my brother dropped me off and I was on my own. A woman on a mission......to conquer my fears and try something new. After waiting around for about an hour or so it was time to get on the plane. So, I made my way and found my window seat. I sat beside a man named James on this particular flight and I was secretly wondering if I looked like a first time flyer. We really only spoke small pleasantries before take-off, everyone seemed a bit on edge or maybe it was just me.

Before the plane took off I began to get a bit misty, thinking of family and friends, and of the pain I was trying to leave behind. Then the plane began to move down the runway and I felt invincible almost, like nothing could touch me. I could feel the hummmmm of the engine, the announcements from the flight attendants, the air from the air conditioning, and I was about to soar.....Do you know what I did? I put my nose to the glass and I had my eyes wide open.....I was thinking to myself ...BRING IT WORLD..... Nothing can touch me now.

A few tears did escape when we got up in the sky because it was the most beautiful scene my eyes have had the pleasure to see. My beloved North Carolina, my home, below me and it looked spectacular. Everything was a miniature version of itself. The vehicles looked like toy cars and the buildings did also. I began to relax and enjoy the ride, after all I was on my way to Georgia for my connecting flight.





TO BE CONTINUED.....................................London, England: Part 2

Positivity

The sun is shining and today is a good day....hehe I hear that Ice Cube song in my head...today was a good day. Anyway, I feel pretty good today because I exercised on the elliptical yesterday. Right now I am doing 15 minutes a day until I can work myself up to 30 minutes. My rationalization is that I need to work myself up to 30 minutes after a week then after that try doing it for an hour. I would be happy to listen to any suggestions that anyone might have. All you have to do is leave me a comment in the box below.

I'm also feeling pretty good mentally. My tax money has arrived and I am paying off bills and I have bought some things for my children. I have also gotten into my old storage unit where a good portion of my belongings have been for the past four and half years. This is stuff that I am sifting through, mainly looking for all my old photos and such. My ex will be picking up his things once I am through getting my stuff. I am very proud that I have not cried opening the unit, I am just so happy to see my old things mostly because it has sentimental value not monetary value. Some of this stuff I have been carrying around since I left home at age 17. I feel like all the dust is beginning to settle now as I am truly looking forward to what my new future has to offer.

JoAnne

What to eat?

I am a few days into this weight loss journey, in which I am really trying. I am struggling with the "what to eat portion" of this journey. I have noticed that most quick foods that I can grab running out the door in the morning are processed or they are starchy. I don't know about you but I do believe I could live off potatoes!

I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow and stock up on healthy foods. I have searched the internet and come away with a 30 day meal plan that has options and has food on it that I actually eat. It also gives the recipe and how to prepare it as well. I am going to try to start implementing it today for lunch. An example is I can actually have a black bean burrito for lunch, which is really good because I love black beans. I need to find a recipe for a black bean burger if possible.

I did workout last night. I am hanging in tight with the Pilates door knob exerciser. My thighs and tummy are feeling the burn. I can also feel it in my arms, the bicep part. I have been looking at getting an elliptical soon, but I am still walking when I can and taking the stairs at work instead of the elevator.

Until tomorrow..........................
JoAnne

Acknowledgment is the First Step!

For a while now I have been avoiding her...

I don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her how off track she has allowed herself to get in almost every aspect of her life.  But she needs to know:

• How she has allowed herself to fall back into that dark hole by letting the stress take over.. I hate it when she allows it to run her life when its out of her control.  Or is it?
• How she has allowed old eating habits to creep in and take over again.
• How she can't focus on what lies ahead or the things that are here in the moment.
• How un-engaged of a wife and mother she has been lately.
• How she has lost her vision of what the future holds.
• and How much disappointment has entered in my thoughts of her lately!

Can I tell her these things!?  How will she react?

I have been avoiding her because I know she knows all of this, but once I bring it up there will be so much more to acknowledge; but I know I need to say it, and hear it too!

I've been avoiding seeing her looking back at me; acknowledging that I have let myself drift off the road I want to be on!

Her, the girl in the mirror,  needs to be told to stop barring herself in the stress of the things she is unable to change.  Set new goals and achieve them. And make the most out each day she is given.


... I think I'll have that talk tonight!

                                           ~ *Acknowledgment is the First Step!

This and That

Today is January 18, 2015. I really messed up yesterday. I do believe I ate everything in sight, but I still managed to exercise yesterday. So, no pounds lost and no pounds gained. My friend Ginny has talked me into doing this blog. I really need to be held accountable for the stupid decisions I make when it comes to eating and exercising. What worked for me in my twenties is not going to work for me at age 40.

In my twenties I could eat Doritos and drink mountain dew for breakfast. If I wanted to lose a five pounds quickly I wouldn't eat after 6pm and I would drink a couple of beers. I can't do that anymore. My body has changed as well as my metabolism. My priorities have changed also. I am at a point in my life where I have no excuses to lose weight. I have a ton of free time on my hands now that I am single, so I can go walking and I can cook the things I need to so I can eat better. My plan is to keep doing the pilates door knob exerciser and walking right now. I want to buy an elliptical at tax time so that while it is cold outside I can hop on that and get a good work out.

A big step for me is I know I need to list my weight. I am not quite ready to share that just yet.....gotta build up the nerve.

JoAnne

Nothing is Real if you don't

Was it too much?

I'm a huge fan of the Biggest Loser and have been since season #1; but this is the first time I haven't been thrilled about all the contestants transformations on the finale!

I know it's a contest on who can lose the most, but Rachel didn't appear healthy anymore... in my opinion. 

155 pound weight loss in 5 months time is a lot and surely something to be proud of !!!

However,  she ended up weighing less than the recommended weight for someone her height and a little too thin in my opinion! 

I hope that now that the competition is over she will put a few pounds back on.  I believe  that it will make her look and feel healthier.

I loved Rachel's drive and competitive side this season; and knew she was the person to beat.. but never imagined the outcome would be such a shocker! 

Too big or too thin.. someone will have something to say, it's a no-win situation sometimes!  BUT.. they both come with  health risks!

I congratulate Rachel on her win of the Biggest Loser show, and at the same time I hope that she is in a good place and listens to her body & doctors; because all she wanted to be was healthy in the end....


What are your thoughts on Rachel's dramatic change?

Does Weight Hinder Who You Are?

A uniform is what I wear 6 days a week, PJ's on my day; and hardly ever wearing jeans.  Today I decided to dress nice and meet a friend for lunch, and to my surprise none of my jeans fit comfortably anymore!

This is such a disappointment.. I lost the weight, and have gained every pound of it back!  Just seems like it all came back in different places (lol)!

... When I was this weight before I never realized how lazy feeling almost depressing, having little to no energy, not wanting to do much of anything fun, and how grumpy I felt! BUT.. I remember all-to-well these days... since I gained it back.

You never realize how much weight hinders who you are until you loose it and gain it back! It's so hard to get the right mindset and shed the pounds, but it is so rewarding when you do!

... The weather is cold and it's hard to want to get outside once I get home, but it is time to get my butt in gear and drop these pounds!

I have been feeling 'sick' for weeks  months now.. wore out & drained; and I know that some of it is my hectic schedule, but a lot of it is my weight!

I do not want to be on medicine for blood pressure or other issues that weight plays a huge part of; and I want to be comfortable (have something to wear) when summer gets here, I want to be able to run and play with my kids outside, and I want to like what I see when I look in the mirror!

Getting back into many of my old habits & wearing this baggy uniform has allowed my weight to creep back up on me without me even realizing it; but I did it once and I can do it again!

... If I "Stay focused & Believe in myself"!

... So, there is no time like to the present to get my plan in gear and get it done!!  Are you with me?

Feeling IT!

Lately I've been feeling 'IT'  .. and by 'IT', I mean the laziness and the UGH feeling of being overweight!!

I want to get started on a weight-loss goal and get it accomplished again; but I am just NOT motivated AT ALL!!!  I just don't know why because I know that I need to get on the ball and get it done!!  This is not healthy and I can see how much it REALLY does weigh on you physically, mentally, and medically as well.

I'm wanting to get started, but I do so much better when I have someone to help motivate.. this in return motivates me!!  Anyone interested?

I've been considering starting a group on FB or somewhere to help others and myself be motivated and feel better about ourselves!  I know there are others who are walking in the same shoes that I am and I want to help!

I am so tired of feel 'ugh'.. I just want to get it DONE!! I want to feel energized and healthy; and I know that's NOT going to happen until I DECIDE that I am going to do it!!

If your interested comment on this post or like it; and keep a look out because I will updating things and trying to get something going by the 1st!!

.. "Stay Focused and Believe in Yourself!!"

A free Ab Machine.. Must be a sign (lol)

  So.. today my neighbor was out in his yard and called me over to ask me if I wanted a piece of equipment that he no longer used.. Exercise equipment.

  "Hummm".. I thought, "I don't necessarily WANT it, but YES I NEED IT! (lol)" Then, naturally  like anyone who is self conscious of their weight does, I wondered if he was calling me fat. (lol)

  He explained that (lol) "10 years ago he would keep it, but he was too old to be on that thing".  I guess everyone has something that has an insecurity in some form.

  I told him I would take it and try it out... But I wanted to know a little about the machine itself and how to use it; you know, I don't need no injury (lol).

  I think it's an older machine because this is the only video that I could find on the Body by Jake's Ab Scissor machine... check it out!


It looks like it could work.. and I think I will give it a try! I will let you all know the results.. (lol)

Life: Just Believe!

Life: Just Believe!:   When you look into the mirror, what do you see...  Do you like the person looking back at you?  Do you believe that they can accomplish an...

Trying to Find my way back...

Lately I have been LAZY.. TIRED.. and just feeling wore-out; to be quite honest. I remember feeling this way before I lost the weight; and I also remember how much I did not like it. (lol)

I have been trying to find my way back to the me that I had found... the one who was starting to build confidence in the fact that I really could take the weight off. After all, I had tried so many times and never seen anything become of it; and for once I had lost 25 pounds without giving up!

It's amazing how many changes you can see in yourself when you reflect back on a time in your life. Before I lost the weight, I felt like I was sick all the time or something and I was really miserable in my own skin, to be honest; and since I have gained it back, I fell that exact way again! However, I just have not been able to get that motivation or mindset back.

I truly believe that in order to loose weight (or accomplish anything for that matter), you have to have the right mindset. Knowing what you want and why you want it is one thing, but setting a mindset to get it done is a completely different thing.

I have tried my hardest to get my mind set back to where it was before, but for some reason I just can not find the determination and motivation... That is why I am writing this blob; because before I started writing what I felt and it helped me become more AWARE of what I was truly feeling and helped me to discover why I wanted and needed to get it done!

So, I hope you join me on my journey to the New Me and if you are on your own journey let me know because I will support you every step of the way if you need me to; we'll find our way to healthier and happier together!!