Monday, July 31, 2017

Becoming a Stepmom at 40


In February, my life changed!  I wasn't sure how it would result in the end and my emotions were all over the place on how Life would change.

Most of you know what happened, but for those who don't I will share some quoted text from that time....
I have been married for almost 20 years, the end of this year on our anniversary.  We have been together on and off since we were 14 years old and I love that man more that life itself! We have had our issues here and there over the years (who hasn't), but nothing that we could not overcome!  Recently he got a new friend request on social media, not knowing the person but they had many mutual family members so he thought it could be someone related.  After accepting the request he received a message from her asking if he remembered her mom and threw a curve-ball that we never could have seen coming!!  She thinks he could be HER DAD!

About 2 - 2 1/2 years before we were married we had gone our separate ways and I was actually dating someone else.  He had a one-night-stand with a lady that was a few years older, her mom.  He used protection and never thought much more about it, until now!
After returning home from our trip to do the DNA test my emotions were all over the place, knowing there was a chance that he could have a child older than mine and all the other things that accompanied that were so overwhelming!  I decided to mail the test in by 2 day mail in order to get the results faster, some how this seemed as though it would be better... or would it!?
Never in my Life was I so conflicted about opening a download!  All of the emotions were flowing in at once.. how would we feel if the results were that my husband had a daughter we never knew about until now?  How would we feel if she wasn't his?  How would we explain this to our girls?
This journey has been so much of an emotional roller coaster that I didn't even know if I wanted to know the answer; but I knew I had to suck it up and face this head on!
My husband was able to see the results first and then he turned it to show me...
The emotion roller coaster then shifted direction to a whole new direction of thoughts & questions!  It was like a train had hit me that I just wasn't ready for!  He IS the father! 

I haven't blogged about this since I told you all that I was now a Stepmom at 40.  I think that I needed to deal with things in my own way, help my husband and children build a bond with their daughter/sister, and try not to worry about the results changing or family.

I think the whole process I was worried that it would break us in some way, but it didn't!!

I have a step daughter who is lovely, never wanted to hurt us in any way.. she just wanted to know if he was her dad since the rumor mill said he might be.  I was worried about her, her relationship with the man she had known to be her dad for almost 21 years, and if her and us would be able to have any type of relationship after missing so much time.

I know most of you read my posts back then and wondered yourself or thought I was being overly dramatic... after all those were truly some of the rawest posts I believe I have ever shared.  BUT fear and not-knowing will do that to ya!!

Since finding out we have all grown, she is our family!  I love her and feel protective over her just as I do my own kids!  Her and my husband and oldest daughter have grown to be close.  We have went on a family trip to spend time with her and her husband.. it's hard to visit often since she lives 700 miles away, but we are trying.

I never thought I would be a step mom, but I am and even though I was truly terrified at the idea... I am happy with how it all worked out!!

Sometimes in Life we face things that we think will break us, but if we see them through, they could be some of the best moments that we ever face!!