Monday, January 19, 2015

One Torturous Journey

This is going to be one torturous journey. I am plagued with self-doubt and I sabotage myself at every turn! There is a secret that I harbor deep inside my heart and it is ugly. I try not to voice it but does it come through in my actions? As a woman, I have struggled with my self-worth all my life. I cannot remember a time when I haven't felt it. I hate to actually admit that, it scares me. I have been bombarded by images of what a woman should look like my whole life. Has it influenced the way I see myself? Isn't this why we as women are catty to each other? What does she have that I don't mentality? I feel like the universe has put a huge mirror up in front of my face and I do not like what I've become. There is so much about myself I need to change. Within this weight loss journey and the journey through my pending divorce I am going to have to really dig deep and clear all the cobwebs out. I need to figure out why I sabotage myself and change those bad habits so that I can succeed. I know I can do this. I picture myself getting the weight off and living my life healthier, so that I can live to be old. I have to give up cigarettes too. So much damage over forty years to my lungs and my health. Hence, the torturous