Tuesday, September 27, 2016

The Fabric of Our Life

I come to you with a heavy heart. 

I don't even know how to say what I want to say.....

My youngest is not transitioning to middle school well. He is having a rough go of it. Some of his "out takes" are hilarious, but most of it is sad. Why is it sad? My middle school years were painful and I felt rejection on a daily basis. Maybe that is my problem, I can only see his middle school transitioning problems with my middle school filter. For those of you in other countries, in the United States middle school is typically 6th through 8th grade. These are the kids that are age 11-13 and are experiencing puberty. Anyway, I guess it is time for me to tell the tale of middle school nightmares. 

I entered the 6th grade in 1986 as a very flat chested short haired girl. I had a reputation which preceded me because I had stolen something once that wasn't mine to impress some other kid and got busted and went down with that ship all alone and I should have. So, I started off kind of shaky because nobody trusted me. Anyway, as middle school progressed my step-mom always kept my hair cut short, no makeup and no shaving my legs. Her rules were makeup, wearing heals and shaving your legs were something you did when you were 16. I was painfully shy and was bullied often as I wouldn't stick up for myself. Ignoring bullies does not work!!!! As the years went by I was finally in eighth grade. I was officially a woman because I had started my monthly when I was in 7th grade but I still wasn't allowed to shave my legs. Go figure. I would sit all alone at a lunch table for 12 people because nobody wanted to sit with me and let me tell you, I would hold my head up high like it didn't bother me at all. I got picked on so bad by all the girls in the 8th grade. We segregated ourselves back then too which is crazy. We had what we called the white girls locker room and the black girls locker room. The white girls had kicked me out of theirs, well not really kicked out, they ostracized me, so I went to the other locker room. The day that I did everybody was trying me and I snapped. I remember this girl name Shaurice got in my face and told me she was going to beat me down and she had 10 girls behind her and that was the day I stood up for myself. I got in her face, nose to nose and told her to bring it because I wasn't scared of her and I was tired of taking everybody's shit. She and her entourage backed down and she told me I was crazy. But nobody messed with me after that day ever again. 

The funny part of my son having transitioning issues is he went to the office yesterday morning and ranted on and on about the injustices of him having to tuck his shirt tail in and how he did not like picture day. He pointed out to the office staff that he had to tuck his shirt in but they didn't. Anyway, I can definitely picture him doing that. The second part about yesterday is he needs the same routine everyday. Anybody who has a child on the autism spectrum knows you do not change the order of things or else. There is a line in the mornings so the kids can eat something before school starts and yesterday the line was moved and he protested against it. He got mad and threatened to blow up the cafeteria so he got expelled for one day because you can't say that kind of stuff in school and there has to be a consequence for saying such a thing. 

My heart is heavy because I feel like I am failing him by having him in the public school system. It sucks! So, we will see how the meetings go tomorrow when he can go back to school, until then.....