Monday, April 20, 2015

Finding Me

It seems as though I am lost. I feel like a robot that does the same thing day-in and day-out, everyday!  I'm tired ALL of the time & don't know why.  I was told that "My job isn't that hard and my kids are old enough to do for themselves; therefore, I shouldn't be exhausted & forgetting things!!"  Really!! UGH

Yes, I admit that I don't have the most demanding job, but feeling like the maid, waiting on someone's EVERY want & need, and being stationary a lot of the day somehow has made me lazier!  AND Yes, my kids are old enough to do for themselves; however, I spoiled them when I stayed at home because I did a lot for them.  I think this has made it hard on them too.

I know... excuses/excuses..  but I really do feel emotionally drained and it has somehow affected me physically as well.  I know that changes need to be made, but that's so much easier said than done!
I have decisions that need to be made in order to accomplish the next steps in my life, but either way I turn there will be people who won't be pleased.. so, what do you do. Right!!??

I graduated with a bachelor's degree in IT with a web development focus a few months ago, but now I don't know what to do next.  It's sad to say, but I don't know what is available in my area or what companies to try to get on with.. and with one day off a week, I don't really have the time to adventure out and look.  I'm kinda scared, if I'm honest!  I have looked online and filled out applications there; so, it's not like I haven't done anything! :)  However, I could be doing better ... and I am creating a plan/goal for that TODAY!!

The challenge in this is that when I do find a new job I will have to leave my current one, and this means making a lot of people unhappy.  However, I have to look out for me and that's not something that comes easy for me.  I am a wife and a mom and I am used to putting every one else first, never focusing on my needs because I am always focused on what they all need instead; and as caregiver, this is my role at too!!

Lost with so many decisions to make and trying to be an accomplished, healthy, and happy woman is hard; but I'm going to find me!