No Shock in Recent School Shooting

I'm sitting here watching CNN as many others are today.  It is horrible what took place in Parkland, Florida yesterday.  Listening to interviews of students who lived through the traumatic event. Sixteen years old, Addison Jost (Addy), is talking about what transpired an she made a statement that really floored me, but didn't surprise me... She expressed that she wasn't surprised because this sorta thing is happening so much.

Would you be, really deep down, be truly surprised if it happened in your community?  I know I am thankful that it hasn't in mine, but it wouldn't shock me to the extent it should if it did, and that is SAD in America!

I  have sat at work and heard it on the television most of the day, hearing our leaders in our country avoid discussing "Gun Violence".  This pisses me off! every time this happens, we hear this.  Weeks and months go by and NOTHING happens to control any of the issues (not just gun control) that contribute in EVERY case!  Then it happens again... 

Something has to be done and our leaders have to quit putting the conversation of Gun Control & Mental Health on hold!

My hearts and Payers go out to all the families, friends, and community of Parkland, Florida.

GoodBye

Dear Bo, 

I'm sitting here, staring at a blank page on the computer. I want to write something really profound to you, so you understand how I feel today. Of course, you will never be sent this letter because I'm sure you don't care but I have to say this for my sanity.

Today is our divorce date, July 7, 2015. Today is the day I will officially let you go. I will try not to be sad anymore or think about what our life could have been like, what it should have been like.

You are getting remarried again in a couple of weeks, and guess what? You will think of me on your wedding day. It's only natural, after all, you have done this once before. You will be a little scared because your first marriage ended and you will wonder what the years have in store for your second. You don't know the answer to that, only time will tell what kind of marriage it will be. 

My greatest hope for you is that you learn to love yourself better so that you can truly love those around you. Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for.

Goodbye, 
JoAnne

Letting Go

I am feeling slightly hostile today and appreciative at the same time. Is that even possible? The emotions that I feel some days are winding down and they are not all over the place anymore. The only time they are like a roller coaster is when I have some sort of "drama" with certain people.

It occurred to me yesterday that there are some people in the world who are always going to think that somebody somewhere owes them something. They are always right and the rest of us have no idea what the hell we are talking about or doing. You cannot converse with people that have this mindset, because your words and actions will always be twisted to suit their needs or their vision of who and what you are. 

Then there are people that cry or tear up when somebody somewhere does something nice for them because they are so used to being treated like shit. Or when someone compliments them on their appearance or even if they are just nice it comes as a shock. That person has to dig deep to believe in the hope that there are still nice people in the world. 

I spoke to my first ex-husband yesterday. He told me that I really was a good woman and that he was sorry for what he did to me all those years ago. He said he was in a bad place but he has his life back on track now, he is married to woman that he loves and all is right in his world. I also like the woman he is married to because she loves our son and that is enough for me. Maybe one day, the second ex-husband will be gracious enough to say he is sorry for all the pain he has caused but in my heart I doubt it. 

I hate this. I hate that now as of July 7, 2015 this will be my second divorce. Twice in a lifetime I have loved and been given the boot. LOL! At this point in my life, I never want to get married again. I don't want to live with anybody either. I'm happy just having a friend that I can hang out with sometimes. I have to tell myself everyday that I cannot, I repeat, I cannot hold what other men have done to me against the next man. 

I am not perfect. I have done wrong also, but I didn't deserve the blatant disrespect. I never hung out in the club, the street or anywhere. I worked, I came home, I took care of the house and kids and the husband. My worst crime was yelling and complaining about how I needed help. Then I would get that bitch mentality and assume everybody's role because if I wanted it to get done I figured I should do it all myself. That's where I hurt myself, the marriage, all of it. In my next life I am going to be a really prissy girl damn it! 

I am saying all of these things to unload it off my chest, to write it all down, because somehow it helps cleanse my soul of all the negativity and anger. Somehow it all really does remind me of that song by Coldplay......"When she was just girl, she expected the world, but it flew away from her reach, and the bullets catch in her teeth, life goes on it gets so heavy, the wheel breaks the butterfly, every tear a waterfall, In the night the stormy night, she'll close her eyes, in the night the stormy night away she'd fly and dream of para, para, paradise".............................