Is It Selfish

Is It Selfish:  The "Not Knowing" Phase

Am I selfish?  Am I childish?  I can't help the way I feel, I just wanted things to go back to normal!

The past few weeks I have been in a conflict with myself, struggling with my flip-flopping emotions on how I truly felt and coming to terms on the reality of what is or could be... and just not sure I am there yet, or if I ever will be!

I have been married for almost 20 years, the end of this year on our anniversary.  We have been together on and off since we were 14 years old and I love that man more that life itself!  We have had our issues here and there over the years (who hasn't), but nothing that we could not overcome!  Recently he got a new friend request on social media, not knowing the person but they had many mutual family members so he thought it could be someone related.  After accepting the request he received a message from her asking if he remembered her mom and threw a curve-ball that we never could have seen coming!!  She thinks he could be HER DAD!

About 2 - 2 1/2 years before we were married we had gone our separate ways and I was actually dating someone else.  He had a one-night-stand with a lady that was a few years older, her mom.  He used protection and never thought much more about it, until now!

Confused but also wanting to be sensitive to her feeling he talked to her over the course of a few  days, getting to know her with understanding that she just wants to know who her biological dad is.  She asked if he was willing to do a DNA test to find out, where she would know, and he agreed.

The following weekend we traveled the 700 mile trip to do the test, meeting her and listening to her mom apologize for waiting so long to think it could be possible that the man she was married to at the time may not be her dad.  It was hard for me, I know it maybe shouldn't have been but it was! And I know it was hard on her daughter as well.

My emotions are all over the place, not knowing  how I will feel regardless of the outcome of this.  I know we won't together at the time and it was so long ago, but IF she is will it affect our family?  Will it affect the relationship he has with our children?  How will they feel? How will she feel if he is her dad?  How will she feel if he's not?  How will the man that raised her feel, will it change their bond?  How will life change depending on the results?

So many questions, yet NO answers because everything is in the "not knowing" phase.

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Continue the Journey with Phase 2: Waiting For Results

Should I Tell Her?

Last night I was included in a group conversation text message (I really hate these).  There were about about 10 of us (all couples who have been friends for years), everyone chatting and I was just reading them as the phone dinged about every minute or two.  After a while I decided to respond to what someone had said, no big deal!

About an hour later, I get a message from a number that I don't recognize that says "Who is this?" My daughter had used my phone just before this,; so, I asked her if she had called someone or dialed a wrong number by any chance and she said she had not.  So... I'm wondering who this could be because I haven't ever see the number, and was not about to tell them who I was (lol).  After a few minutes I responded to the message and asked, "Who is this?"

Then they replied "My name is ****".  For the sake of privacy, lets call him Robb!  I'm sitting there thinking and I only know one "Robb" and I don't have his number and I know for a fact he doesn't know mine; so, this must be a random stranger who thinks he is talking to someone else!!  So, I asked him How he got my number!?  A few short minutes pass and I get another message, this time he doesn't respond to my question but a
sked if I am on this site that I have never heard of...

So, I go online and research this site... which happens to be a site that people sell sex on and where they are expecting human trafficking!  My thoughts were "Oh my gosh, I don't think so!!"  Who is this guy and how in the hell did he get my phone number?!

Before I can respond and tell this creep not to ever text my phone again, he responds again and asked what my name is!  Then, another message goes off, but in the group chat... which is from this same number!  So I send a message to my friend who started the chat and asked who the number belonged to?  She tells me it's "Robb".

I was telling my husband what was going on and who it was, and how he must have gotten the message I sent in the group and somehow mistaken me for someone else.  Needless to say, my husband was getting a little frustrated with the situation, as I was as well.  Then my phone went off again, another message from "Robb" asking this time if I would send him a picture!  Seriously!!??

OMGosh... he is messaging me thinking I am someone else who is on a sex site; yet, he is married and has kids with another friend of mine!  WTF!?

My husband gets the # and messages him, telling him that he should watch who he is talking to and asking for pictures... He replies, "Who is this?"  My husband then tells him who he is and that he has been messaging me!!  Not but a few seconds pass and he gets 3 messages explaining how sorry he is, then I get an apology message as well.   Then my husband tells him that what he's doing is very disrespectful and he's sure that his wife wouldn't like it, but we wouldn't say anything THIS TIME!

BUT I just can't get over the fact that he was trying to hook up with someone and he has a wife & kids... However, this isn't the first time he's done things like that to her; but the first time I have been involved and I want to tell her because I would want to know if I were in her shoes!!!

However, in the many years they have been married it seems like two to three times a year he has cheated, left her for weeks to be with other women, and has admitted to numerous  women as well.. Therefore, I don't think telling her would make any difference, do you?  I can't see how someone could put up with that crap, but I'm not in her shoes!

Regardless of all that she had put up with and kept going back to I still feel the need to tell her, but Should I tell her?

Silence & Rage

I am in a state of rage. Let me explain.............................

As a good southern girl we are taught to swallow our anger. Do not get mad, act like a lady even if someone hurts you and smile in the faces of those who mean you harm. Reminds me of that song by Miranda Lambert, Mama's Broken Heart. Anyway....

The last piece of business between me and my ex-husband is child support. I didn't get anything in February because they had back taxes to pay, only $180.00 in March and nothing for the month of April. My ex always lets his new wife correspond with me and handle all his business when it should be him that deals with me because I did not lay down with her have our son, I laid down with him and had our son. Anyway, I have the text messages that prove she said they were dropping my payment down from $350 to $175 a month because they had bills to pay. Mind you, this is a fucking court order. Public service announcement:::::: In the state of North Carolina, if you have your legal separation incorporated into your divorce decree it becomes a court order when the Judge signs it. HELLO!!! Of course the legal separation papers have custody, child support and retirement all figured out, that is why I had it incorporated so I wouldn't get screwed over. If he wouldn't have been in such a hurry to get remarried and gotten a lawyer he would have known that. But he did not care at the time because he was to busy discarding us like we were garbage on the side of the road. 

In all honesty, I told them not to worry about February payment because I had my tax money because they were not going to pay me anyway. What was I going to say? THEY HAD ALL THE CONTROL! The money was not coming out of his pay-check, they were giving it to me when they felt like it and most of the time it was at the end of the month. I was having to call and ask when I was going to get the money. DO YOU KNOW HOW DEGRADING THAT IS??? So when I spoke with his wife in February and realized they were going to go down on my payment I went straight to the Department of Social Services because that is not fair. He told me today in Court that I was lying because I didn't blow up his phone, and I told him I didn't have to I went to DSS back in February!!

At Court today, he asked for a continuance to get a lawyer and I blew up at him and told him about himself. I really showed my ass and then I stormed out of court after the social worker told me my new court date. Then he has the balls to text me saying I was a liar, that he paid me and he was going to just get it taken out of his check because I was being so ugly to him and he has no idea why. REALLY!? You slept with another woman while we were married and it wasn't the first time, then when I asked you to leave you moved in with her and asked her to marry you right out the gate, then you proceed to slander me to anyone who will listen and you are practically forgetting about our son. He hasn't been to your house in 3 weeks and that is all you. Your new wife hates that you want him every weekend! EVEN THOUGH I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE I WOULD NEVER KEEP OUR SON AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE I AM NOT EVIL. I YELL THIS HERE BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN KEEP FROM GOING OFF THE DEEP END AND HURTING SOMEBODY. ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU TO DO RIGHT BY ME JUST ONCE MAN, JUST ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A lover scorned, How Far Would You Go?

I have always been a little jealous/insecure in some ways.. I'm not sure why, it's just me!  I think I have a fear of being cheated on, but stressing won't keep it from occurring if your mate chooses to do it!  So, with that in mind I have gotten a handle on it the past few years and become less questionable.

People cheat for all kinds of reasons, but how far will the victim in those cases go?

I was searching for a song on a while back and came across this song..  "Bust Your Windows".  I really like it, but this chick went off (lol)!   A glass trail leading to the bed instead of rose petals...

Then there's Carrie Underwood, who I love!!!  She also goes a little overboard destroying this guys truck after he cheats in her hot hit, "Before He Cheats".

There are so many songs that show women mostly going off after being cheated on.  It really makes me wonder how often people react like this in real life situations, if so I'm sure they find themselves in the courtroom afterwards paying for property damage (lol).  

I don't think I could do anything like this, but no one knows until they are faced with the situation I guess!!! 

A few years back there was a guy that had came to the house that my husband knew.  I was washing dishes and he was there sitting on the couch talking to my husband when I seen a lady pull up in the driveway and get out with a baseball bat!  As I was telling my husband what was happening, I seen her start to break the windows out of the back of his car.. he ran outside as she continued to break one after another.  I had never in my life seen something like this and he was trying his bast to stop her... I don't know what he did, but she was PISSED about it!! (lol)  I know it's not supposed to be funny, but it kinda was!

So.. I'm curious!!  How many of you know of someone who has flipped out (or) Have you done something like this??  Please, tell us your stories, we'd love to hear them!!

~Ginny

Flaws

I have come to the conclusion that I am seriously flawed. I have always known this deep down but I try to hide it. Don't we all? Whenever meeting new people or in the beginning of new relationships the best qualities possessed by a person are thrown to the forefront. As stated by Chris Rock "When you first start dating somebody, you ain't dating them, you are dating their representative, the person they wish they could be". I love that line because it is the truth!

Recently, I have begun dating again. Or should I say I have met someone. He is genuine, nice, honest and he seems to have a good heart. He really likes me too, which is scary. Why is it scary you ask? I didn't date for over a year waiting for my divorce to be final before I jumped back in the dating pool again. The dating scene has changed so much since I was in my twenties. I never had game anyway, so this is painfully new to me. There are dating apps on cell phones, websites, etc. Doesn't anyone meet through friends or at a social event anymore? Obviously not!!

This guy though, I am brutally honest with him and I haven't tried to hide my ugly at all. The first time I met him, I wore no makeup and had on old clothes because I was cleaning up my house that day. I stood in front of him and said "This is me, and this is what I really look like"! He seemed to appreciate my candor.  On our first date I introduced him to my kids briefly so that he could see that I am a Mother and if he wanted to run he could do so. I emphasize briefly because I did not want it to be a big to do. We were going out on a date and I invited him in and introduced him to them and eight minutes later we were leaving. 

I am taking my time getting to know him and I am very honest about what I want. Believe me, as an older, more sophisticated woman I have no qualms in asking for what I want anymore. I couldn't do that when I was in my early twenties. I always bent over backwards to please a man for fear that he would not like me anymore. Why do we as women do that? 

Anyway, he makes me laugh. It feels so good to laugh again at stupid stuff. I always joke with him about how flawed I am and how I try to be my authentic self with him. No watered down version, but my true self, flaws and all. I have the tendency to build up walls and not let anyone in and I have told him about that. I told him I pee in the shower too...lol.