Melancholy No Mans Land

I have always been under the impression that middle aged people are age 35 to 45. That is middle age. What is the time period before you are officially a senior citizen? 46 to 54. I have been calling it no mans land. A person is not old when they are in that age gap and they are not young anymore either. A favorite line in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes is when Kathy Bates character tells Ninny she is to old to be young and to young to be old. Kathy's character is obviously going through the change of life that we women must embark upon before entering the dreaded senior citizen realm. As women, we are told we are not pretty anymore and are past our prime when we reach a certain age and I believe that age is 40 by societal norms. 

So much has changed in my life in the last decade. My children are grown, I'm not married anymore, some of my loved ones are dead and I am beside myself with longing. I swear I haven't really cried since I had a hysterectomy at the age of 41. What is wrong with me? I feel like I have been going through the change for a decade now. When is it going to end? I want to feel normal. Is that even a thing?

Sundays are so hard for me recently. I keep thinking about my Granny and longing to see her and this melancholy comes over me and it feels like I am drowning in memories. I see the pine trees and smell the fresh turned dirt in the fields as the farmers prepare for the planting of their crops and my mind goes back to the summers I spent at her house a child. The smells in the air - the smell of this state. Memory is tied to smell. North Carolina around here smells like pine, earth, sunshine and tobacco. I kid you not, you can drive down a back country road at midnight in the middle of July and you can smell the sweetness of the tobacco on the warm night air and there is nothing like that anywhere else in the world. (That is the most southern thing anyone could say right?)

Well, I am mostly ranting today, it helps to get these thoughts out in this blog. What are your thoughts about middle age? Are you going through the change of life? I don't think this topic is talked about enough and we need to challenge that. Anyway....